one time i was laughing with my sister and i said haha hokey pokey is kinda like sex. in out in out shake it all about. and she just looked at me dead in the eyes and ‘you put your right leg in’
he is laughing!
this is actually so beautiful.
shoutout to girlcode for being fabulous
Be prepared to participate in no dick decemberbe prepared to be told that no one wants your misogynistic dick anyway you arrogant shit
I love it when guys use sex as a bartering tool like IF YOU DON’T LOOK PERFECT AND SPARKLY ALL THE TIME I’M NOT GOING TO PLEASE MYSELF WITH YOU
like BITCH THEY LITERALLY SELL DICKS BIGGER THAN YOURS I DON’T NEED SHIT FROM YOU
do you ever just “what the fuck is the point” so hard that you stop everything you’re doing and stare and pretty much wonder why you don’t vanish from existence because the level of done you are should pretty much deconstruct your biological makeup
—Iain Thomas (via fall-apart-iron-heart)
now that i’m 18, i guess it’s finally time
it was a great honour to have this title bestowed on me, but i have to pass it on now. i thank you all.
it was a privilege, but now there must be a new dancing queen. applicants must be young, free and only 17.
i hope you fall in love with someone who makes you question why you ever thought you would be better off alone
this is a really lovely thing to wish upon someone
These cows won the lottery!
Dairy cows jump for joy after release from their slaughterhouse fate into a big green pasture.
this is what it means to be human
last christmas we bought a fake christmas tree and the guy behind the counter said to my dad ‘are you going to put it up yourself?’ and my dad said ‘dont be disgusting… im going to put it in the living room’
If u wake up before 10 am at your own free will I don’t trust u, why u need those extra hours, to scheme on me? To eat my food while I’m sleep? To steal my money? Uh uh nope
It may seem like I’m a sarcastic asshole 24/7, but I’m actually only a sarcastic asshole 18/7 because at night I actually have feelings.